LOVING KINDNESS MY ASS!

My sole New Year's Resolution for 2008 was to start meditating... Why? I guess I just feel like it could bring calm and peace to my life and stuff like that. That's what they say, anyway. So I went to a class/lecture that was on "Why Meditate?" and I realized this was going to be a LOT harder than I thought...

First of all, you're supposed to practice LOVING KINDNESS. That's right. You're supposed to love that annoying lady at the drycleaner and that homeless guy who always dumps everything out of your recycling bin. The list goes on. Because there are, what, about 6 billion people on earth right now? And you're supposed to love ALL of them?? One of the teachers there told me you don't have to love them as much as your family, and I thought, well that's a relief, sometimes it's a struggle just to LIKE some of them!

And there were other bumps in the road: Buddhism (or at least this flavour of it) teaches that ALL happiness comes from within. So then I asked the teacher, "If all happiness comes from within, then what's the point of having close relationships?" She had an answer for me, of course, which was that it was good practice for loving everyone else. Plus, she said, you probably have a karmic connection with your friends and sig-ohs. Hmmmm.... I see...

THEN, the teacher made the point that no one LIKES to be angry or unhappy. Well, I quite disagree on that point. People LOVE being miserable. And angry. And hell, yes, I'm one of them! Do I enjoy yelling at people, honking at them, cursing? You betcha! Does it silently take years off my life? Perhaps... But I don't smoke, I drink moderately, and I've never even tried cocaine. And, I floss! Nightly! So aren't I entitled to a vice? You don't have to answer that. In fact, please don't.

I don't know... I like a lot of the tenets of Buddhism, but when I get around some of the more devout followers, I can't help picking up on just another cultish vibe that I get with most any religious practice. I start to get self conscious. Am I sitting right? Am I breathing right? Do I seem sincere--I sure as hell hope so, because on the inside, I'm thinking, "Let someone into my lane in traffic? When hell freezes the fuck over!"

Does anything I'm saying make sense? Or are you about to throw me into the fastest vehicle available and rush me to the nearest monastery? Perhaps you should. Perhaps this has been a cry for help. Well, anyway, whatever it was, it's been a LOT of fun. I feel relaxed now. Strangely at peace. As though I've just.... meditated. Ohhhhhhhmmmmmmmm.....