A recent E. Coli outbreak in Ohio and Michigan has been linked to a group of militant, angry vegans who will stop at nothing to put meat-eaters out of business. Their nefarious plot entails picking off meat consumers one at a time, with the goal of achieving vegan world domination. Said one fired-up member of the group POV (Pissed Off Vegans), "We want to make eating meat a matter of life and death for big, fat, unconscious carnivores."
A spokesman for the carnivores, Chuck Cattleface, had this to say: "We know red meat is bad for the environment and our health, and we'd like to keep it that way. It's how we live on the edge without having to do extreme sports. Besides, if we gave up meat, what would we barbecue? Potato chips?" He concluded with a warning: "Those vegans haven't heard the last of us yet."
Stay tuned.
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