THEY DO CHICKEN RIGHT!

Bon Soir, Dear Readers,

The other night, I had the incredible fortune to attend Lucha Vavoom at the Mayan theater. This sort of precious opportunity, afforded on a random Wednesday night in June, is what makes America great. Of course, we mustn't forget that it was our brothers and sisters south of the border who started this whole piece of genius. So, what the hell is this lucha thing, you're asking oh-so-impatiently? It's Lucha Libre (Mexican wrestling) combined with a burlesque show, with a sprinkling of comedy thrown on top, in the form of the Sklar brothers. Lucha Libre actually means, "free fight," and though the night wasn't free in a monetary sense, it was definitely a free for all. What made it great, other than fat men in brightly colored spandex and sexy women who could mind-bend their own pasties? Well, normally, that would be enough for me, but Lucha Vavoom didn't stop there. They topped all that off with a midget wrestler in chicken garb (see above, as if you haven't already.)

That's right. You've seen it here first. Now who doesn't just live for this kind of thing? No really, who? I want to meet them. And spank them. In a corporal punishment way.

They also played the "chicken dance" song en espanol, which I adored, and loved clapping to. Clapping in the right place at the right time... ah, what a sense of belonging... But anyway, speaking of chickens, remember when they starting calling all Kentucky Fried Chicken "restaurants" KFC a few years ago? At that point, a rumor started circulating that they'd changed the name to KFC because they could no longer call it "chicken" in good faith. Apparently, the rumor went, these chickens had no beaks and no feet, (they were bred that way for efficiency) and were fed intravenously. I can't even count the number of people I know who actually believed that scuttlebutt. Perhaps I'm hanging with the wrong crowd?

Well, anyway, this midget chicken seemed to have both a beak, and a pair of feet, which is why I feel comfortable calling him "chicken," without much concern for the threat of litigation. And he definitely was a midget. My friend was in a music video the day before I went to Lucha Vavoom, and she said she co-starred with a midget lucha libre wrestler. I have the sneaking suspicion it might have been the same guy.... Oh, to be a midget. It just seems like it would be really cool to be a big fish in such a small pond. Okay, a big tiny fish. But you get my meaning. There's so much less competition for midget entertainers, compared to full-sized ones. And it seems like the affirmative action aspect would be pretty good.... Or maybe not. I'm trying to think if I ever came across a midget when I went to UCLA... I don't think so... But wait, I take that back--does Kerri Strug count? Let's just say she does. Okay then, one midget out of a 20,000 plus student body. I've seen more pitiful ratios. Somewhere. I'm sure of it.